Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
