I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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