Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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