just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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