I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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