I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
