You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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