Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
