I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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