you have to choose: penises or morals?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
