I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
