I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
