Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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