When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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