shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
