i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
