Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even my farts smell like vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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