you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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