maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
