I got chris browned last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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