How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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