M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
