More tranny stories later!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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