So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
