So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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