were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just found puke in my bra..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
