M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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