You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
