if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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