she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You're like the curious george of whores
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this hospital has no fireball
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
