K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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