my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
