hotel room ftw
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
