True but thats because hes a fetus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Randomize
