Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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