I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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