i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
