He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize