Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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