Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
