I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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