but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
