Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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