I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
