Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
