I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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