you win again, gameday.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
