oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
