Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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