I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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