her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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