threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
