Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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