I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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