ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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