I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
false alarm, still single
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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