Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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