After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
