So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
