my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
