he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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