Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize