yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
