Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
