Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
