It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
