We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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