how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
