She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
