shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
