OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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