a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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