I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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