I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
