First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
